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Here's a.nice welcome..

2012-02-02T17:23:00.001-06:00

While I was doing my hair in front of the mirror this morning, I heard a knock on my front door. I tell the person to come in and Ashlee walks in the door. The first thing that I say to her when she's at my doorway, "MAN, YOU LOOK FAT!" she's getting her "baby bump". She said she's due in may. I thought that she got a new job but I guess that didn't work out for her. I think I'm halfway through my semester and I bet I'm not doing well in either of my classes because I really am not able to dedicate myself to any of my classes 100% because of rehab which I was afraid of. It was my choice to do both rehab and classes, even if I am starting out with just two classes.

short help.. this is one of the sacrifices i had to take.

2012-02-01T16:28:00.000-06:00

i guess that you could say that i'm happier now living in this apartment compared to my previous apartment in minneapolis. the only flaw that i keep running into (recently especially) is the lack of help. i know that this shouldn't matter since i wanted to be more independent and whatever, but it only becomes an issue when i need to do my rehabilitation exercises such as standing in my standing frame (i need someone to stand me in the frame and strap me up, then pump it up and i stand for 30-45 minutes, they don't need to stay with me.. they just need to put me in the frame and come back to take me out), strap me up in my gatewalker, so i can walk for 30 minutes with my gatetrainer walker, and hold my gatetrainer walker down while i do my range of motion sit-to-stand exercises for about 15 minutes. i guess it's my fault that i forgot to ask about how much staff was on duty when i looked at this program in this apartment, i was just so anxious to get out of the hell that i was currently in and this place looked a hell of a lot better that i just forgot to ask the important details. damn, i pulled the cord in the bathroom about 25 minutes ago for help and they still haven't answered.
oh yea and if i didn't give my prediction for the super bowl.. my bet is on the giants. i can still remember that was jem's team.. man, i haven't seen him forever, i miss him. he was one of my only friends that i could talk about football with. i wonder how he is.

do i need to slow down?

2012-01-30T12:27:00.001-06:00

i'm at gillette for physical therapy for my neck. i was driving my wheelchair and following my physical therapist back to the therapy gym and then *BAM* and my reaction was just screaming, "OH FUCK" after i hit the wall. i guess that i fell asleep while driving my wheelchair and drove right into the wall. the sad thing is that i'm not kidding. my physical therapist slowed down and said, "whoa! i better watch out, you're gonna run me over next!" i was feeling a little tired during my physical therapy session but i didn't expect to fall asleep. i still have to do homework for my classes tommorow. shit. i don't know if it's the meds or if i might be doing too much and i might need to slow down? i don't know. i just don't want to get so overwhelmed that i have another seizure. either that or i need to start taking my ritalin sooner. this epilepsy is just kickin my ass.. making me fall asleep while i'm driving my wheelchair and making me run into a damn wall. shit. i still won't ever forget when i seen a lady (who was epileptic and lived in my previous apartment in minneapolis) walk into an elevator (as it was closing) because she fell asleep, after she walked into the elevator, she just rubbed her head and got up like it was nothing- or an everyday occurence. i felt like crying when i seen her walk into the elevator and get up like nothing happened, when people who seen it happen were concerned. it's sad that i think that i've actually got that bad. there's this epilepsy foundation rally flyer which i recieved in the mail today but the tickets are $90 per person and i don't think that i have that kinda money.

This is why I didn't want to take an online class.

2012-01-29T18:00:00.001-06:00

Well, I'm probably failing my the online course that I'm taking because I responded to the instructor that I was only following the instructions when I was writing the assignment but he claimed that I was crossing my boundaries of knowledge. Oh well. I posted to the teacher that one of the reasons why I had been hesitant to take an online course was because of something like this- I feel it's too hard to communicate my homework accurately online sometimes. I worked on some of it.. I'll probably forget to work on the rest.

are you ready?

2012-01-27T22:37:00.000-06:00

i was at my grandma's house and she was watching "the doctors" (like she always does) and she was doing my nails at the same time as it was on, so i was pretty much forced to watch it also, but i didn't mind.. it's her house, i didn't have anything that i could think of that i wanted to watch. they were talking about how it's easier for a woman to have a baby when she's younger, so she should be having one in her 20's or 30's. yeah.. i agree with that for the most part but a woman shouldn't have a baby when she's younger and not ready to have one. i don't care if they're more fertile when they're younger, if they have other things going on with their life which would burden the unborn child's childhood, they shouldn't be looking to have a damn child. it's not fair to the baby or the mom. i'm sure "the doctor's" program would agree with me there but they didn't mention anything about discouraging people who aren't ready for children not to have children. maybe i'm just being paranoid or just looking for something to bitch about. i can say that most of my friends (if not all) of them already have children and they're in their mid 20's.
haha, my grandma asked me what my t-shirt said when i was getting my nails done. i just looked down at my shirt and said, "i like boobies" with a straight face.. no, it doesn't say, "i like boobies", i just couldn't think of anything else smart to say at the moment. i was wearing my "live, love, rock" shirt that i got from the 93x stand at the mn state fair last year. it's time to head to bed, i hope that i'll manage to fall asleep right away, since i'm going to bed later. my sleep cycle is so messed up and this damn epilepsy doesn't help it either. the nurse at my apartment was asking me about if the neurologist ever prescribed me with sleeping pills, i told him that he had once and he didn't feel like they were right for me. stupid.

i get ahead of myself without remembering it

2012-01-25T17:20:00.000-06:00

i went to the chiropractor today and i haven't been there for 2 weeks, so i haven't had any chiropractor treatment or any ARP treatment for 2 weeks. the ARP is supposed to help me to walk and i think that it's helping with my balance at least. I feel myself baring my weight more when I'm walking with my walker. The people who do the treatments always encourage me to drink water and i never drink water. that's probably why my lips are always dry but i've been trying to drink more water lately, especially since the water is supposed to help the treatment. i'm going to make those fuckin physical therapists at gillette eat their damn words (the same ones that said that i would always have to be in a wheelchair my whole life).
i had this homework for my professional communication class that i was going to do.. well well, it turns out that my dumbass worked ahead of herself once again and already did all of the work due for tommorow. i dunno when i do these things, it must be when i'm bored.. which is always and i just end up forgetting about already doing them. oh well. i'm not complaining.
haha, i almost forgot to mention that when i was at the chiropractor's office getting ARP treatment, i glanced down at the form (that the guy who was doing my ARP treatment was writing on) and i seen that the guy wrote my name with an "E".. (Stacey).. and i said to him, "hey hey hey.. what's that E doing in my name? only pussies write their names with "E"s" and he laughed and wrote "Stacy" instead and asked if that was correct and i told him that it was, he laughed and told me that i had to be his favorite client. i suppose that could've offended him, my gramdma told me there's things that i shouldn't say.. maybe that was one of them? oh well, it didn't offend him. life goes on. another one was probably while he was performing the treatment on me, it started to hurt, so i grinded my teeth and said, "FUCK", the guy performing the procedure on me laughed a little and said, "stacy, i didn't know you had such a dirty mouth." i heard other people hollaring/moaning in pain while he performed the procedure on them.

i hate late nights.

2012-01-23T11:02:00.000-06:00

i stayed up past 12:30 pm last night writing a paper for one of my classes and i still didn't get everything done. i finally just gave up and decided to go to bed and take some late points off of my paper that i didn't get done.
victor cruz and eli manning lit up the field on the giants game last night. it seemed like every time the giants came to a 3rd down, eli always looked for cruz and he was there. i wanted the giants to win in the first place. the patriots are next.

go poopface!

2012-01-22T17:15:00.001-06:00

Shit. Man, I had this post posted on my site. I'm on my standing frame watching the giants and 49ers game. I want the giants to win because I'd rather see them at the superBowl than the 49ers. The patriots are in for the afc.. Yawn. I got yelled at when I was in bed this morning AGAIN by femme and he threatened to write me up. He should go work at the apartment that I used to live at- since he wants to write me up so much and they'd always write me up.

too disabled to work?

2012-01-21T16:25:00.000-06:00

i'm writing a paper for my professional communications class and we needed to decide on a topic for the paper ourselves dealing with communication. i didn't know what to write the paper on, so i called the professor and asked her for ideas. she gave me the idea of writing the paper on the difficulties in communication that americans in wheelchairs often experience in the work environment. well, i did some research and it was a little bit discouraging for me. i found a stat that stated that in the year 2010 less than 1 out of every 5 americans with disabilities were in the labor force. i really don't feel like sitting at home every day of my life, trying to look useful. i know that i can go and volunteer but i think that eventually i would want some kind of reimbursement. that's part of the reason why i'm going to college, so i can eventually work a job in the career of my choice. this paper is helping me to see more of the obstacles that people with disabilities, who want to work have, especially with communication.WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY. i don't know if the problem has to do mainly with communication but that's what my paper talks about. i don't know if employers avoiding hiring people who are in wheelchairs because they assume they can't talk or something. the above stat (less than 1 out of every 5 americans with disabilities were in the work force in 2010) was just for americans with disabilities in general, i couldn't find one which gave the stats for how many americans in wheelchairs had jobs in 2010, but you get the idea. i'm in for a hell of a ride in trying to get a job when i'm finally done with school, rehab, and ready to get a job. great.

That isn't the kind of help that I want.. Dumbass, stop trying to make your job easier.

2012-01-20T18:00:00.001-06:00

I don't know if I mentioned this already, but on Wednesday when my physical therapist told me that I would have to use a wheelchair all of my life, she asked me if it was still bothering me that she told me that she thought that I would need a wheelchair all my life, well gee.. Let me think here.. How would she feel with the knowledge that she's not going to be fully mobile? She's just wasting her time and I think she was trying to upset me because after she asked me that stupid question, she went on to tell me about a psychologist that she "thinks could help me". She treats me like I'm a damn nut.

Are you God?

2012-01-18T17:44:00.001-06:00

The physical therapist managed to discourage me once again.. bitch. When I was telling her about having to wait to get my reverse walker (because my member services lady at my insurance is on leave of absence), she went and told me that I'll always have to use a wheelchair my whole life. Who died and made her God? geez. I can still remember bawling after the other physical therapist told me a long time ago that she didn't think that I'd ever walk again. I'll only take this as a motivation to walk.

Pointless Therapy aka Physical Therapy

2012-01-18T09:59:00.000-06:00

i just got done with my physical therapy session. i told the physical therapist about the pain under my left rib and all that she did was shrug her shoulders and say, "well, all that i can tell you to do is go to your primary physician." after i told her about my pain in my left rib, i told her that i didn't feel like they were doing everything they could to help me walk. look, i don't know what the fuck their problem is. the stupid whore of a physical therapist said to me today, "well, stacy, your wheelchair is ultimately going to be your main way of getting around." just like she gave up on all that she could do to help me walk again. i said to her, "well, you should be disappointed in your skills to help." bitch went through how many years of school and has how many years of experience under her sleeve and she just gives up. i need to find help elsewhere it looks like.. because gillette hospital in st. paul has a horrible physical therapy program that gives up on helping their clients. some people will bust their god damn ass in physical therapy since they were around 18 years old and still not get fucking effort.. this is BULLSHIT.

Embarassed

2012-01-17T23:13:00.001-06:00

I think that I embarrassed some guy in my communications class today when I told him that I seen some little girl wearing the exact same stocking hat that he was wearing. It's a teenage mutant ninja turtle head and it's a kids' hat that you wear outside. i think he was embarassed because his face was all red when i told him that i seen a little girl wearing that same exact hat on saturday. after i seen him get embarassed, i tried to make him feel better by saying that the little girl could have just been wearing a little boy's winter hat on saturday but some other guy in the class was laughing at the story and said, "NO, I THINK IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND, HE'S WEARING A GIRL'S HAT" well, needless to say, he ended up taking the hat off because he was so embarassed. i didn't mean to embarass him. i just remembered the hat and i don't usually remember things. i have someone taking notes for me in class now, so i don't have to struggle and look like a complete dumbass while i scribble or attempt to take notes and keep up with the professor. i should go to bed now because i have to get up tommorow at around 5 am because i have physical therapy for my neck. at my last physical therapy session, i was telling my physical therapist that i needed to wait to get my reverse walker because my member services person from axis was on leave til rhe nuddle of march. i said,"guess i'll just spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.." and she dudn't seem to do anything. she was the same physical therapist that put me on the fucking nu-step instead of actually doing physical therapy with me. her and that nancy bitch. they just gave up on even trying to help me walk. it was just easier for the both of them to say that i met my plateau in physical therapy. NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THEM BOTH. it ain't over til it's over. THEY HAVE NO AUTHORITY TO SAY WHEN I'VE REACHED MY "PLATEAU". ONLY GOD HAS THAT AUTHORITY/

some people.

2012-01-16T11:00:00.000-06:00

i'm at gillette right now for waiting for physical therapy to start. the pca who i have this morning told me that femme (the moron of a pca who was working overnight pca duty last night) wrote in the book that i called him every hour of the night. he wrote that the last time that he worked overnight duty also. yeah.. he wishes i called him every hour. dumbass. he's the only pca that records that i supposedly call him every hour of the night. no other pca that works overnight duty records that i call them every hour of the night, i figured that the jackass would record that for my behavior last night, so i even asked the pca who worked this morning what he wrote about me. what a dick. people who have epilepsy generally can't sleep in the first place but i know for a fact that i slept all night last night. however, i do feel like i'm the walking dead because i haven't had my ritalin since thursday. the lady at the front desk of the clinic took a look at me and asked me if i was alright, i said, "yeah. i'm just tired." and then she told me that she was sorry. i'm supposed to get my ritalin today. i never did want to be on that shit, but the neurologist insisted that it would help stimulate my brain. all that it's doing is making me build a damn dependency on the drug, so that if i don't have it- i'm tired. bullshit. that's what it is. i'm lucky that i'm hispanic, so i have tan skin, otherwise you would probably see the bowls under my eyes from being so fatigued. I SLEPT ALL NIGHT, I SHOULDN'T FEEL THIS WAY DAMNIT.
i watched kevin hart last night on comedy central after i brushed my teeth. i think that the people in the other apartments heard me laughing because he had me laughing so hard. he's hilarious.

do you smell-lalala what the packers are cookin? yep. rotten cheese.

2012-01-15T15:37:00.000-06:00

i'm watching the packers vs. giants game right now. i was at my grandma's house this morning and i seen her brother there, who seems to be a packers fan now, so he was pumped up and he asks me, "STACY! ARE YOU WATCHIN THE GAME THIS AFTERNOON?" and i told him that i was and he asks me who i wanted to win and i said calmly to him, "the giants." and he screams, "WHAT!" i sighed and said that i hated the cheeseheads. then i turned and went into my grandma's garage, so that my mom could load my wheelchair and i into the van, as i was waiting for her, i hollared in the garage, "PACKERS SUCK!" i don't know if he heard me but oh well. haha i told him about the half-assed morning show saying that eli manning looks like he has a "poop face" meaning that eli manning has that face that some people get when they're constipated and trying to push out their poop. it's funny because he does have that face. everyone is picking the packers to win this one but mostly everyone picked the saints to win the game yesterday also, well at least the places i looked before the game.

the shitlist.

2012-01-14T21:12:00.000-06:00

well, lemme say this.. that was a good game. right down to the last seconds of the clock. something told me that the 9ers would win today. i didn't expect it to be this close of a game though. i actually thought that new orleans might come back at the end of the game, how they were playin. my memory might be screwy though. i just remember watching the game and thinking about how weird it would be if the 49ers went to the superbowl again. i can still remember them playing in the superbowl when i was little. i don't remember how old i was, i don't even think that i really understood football back then. the giants are playing the packers tommorow, the giants are gonna KICK THE PACKERS' ASSES! that one i'm gonna make damn sure i watch. my mom takes me home tommorow but i'm going to make sure that we leave early.
i found out today that a stupid girl (who i refuse to call my sister from now on) used me as an excuse to be absent from work. i know this must seem childish but this is just another example of how people use me for their own good. i hate being taken advantage of and the moron goes and tells her work that her sister, who is in a wheelchair, is coming home for the weekend and her mom needs help taking care of her, so she needs to take off work, so she can help her mom. so- they give her off for the day. well, the little cunt WAS NOT here at my mom's place when i got here, she made sure that she got her lazy ass outta here by that time. so.. from now on, i have only one sibling.. i just have a brother. no sister. i don't know which sister she was helping on her day off.. but it was not me. i also found some bullshit out about the attorneys who helped me during the car accident which i was involved in, that pissed me off today also. some more people added to my shitlist.. bastards.

can he take them?

2012-01-14T15:33:00.000-06:00

i'm about to watch the saints and the niners game. the niners have a really good defense, so i don't know if the saints will pull this one off. however, they do brees, who gets the ball around the field. i'll just watch this game.

drug out of bed.. YET AGAIN.

2012-01-13T13:35:00.000-06:00

i answered another call while i was in bed which was from my medical transportation company asking to see if i was going to my physical therapy appointment at gillette this morning at 9:15. i wasn't even dressed, i was still in my pajamas and under my blankets. so they asked me if i was still going to my appointment, i say, "what?" because i just woke up and they tell me i have a physical therapy appointment at gillette at 9:15, so i have a pca help me drag my ass outta bed earlier than expected once again because i figure that if it's an appointment at gillette, it must be important and i don't think that i have that many physical therapy appointments scheduled for my neck.
you know what's also fucking annoying? having these little kids "checking up" on your every move by reading your weblog because they're nosey and they can't figure out that there's better things they should be doing with their time like GETTING THEIR GED instead of reading their sister's mindless ramblings. i'm not a little kid, i don't need to be "checked up" on. i just sighed after i got finished typing all of that out because that's exactly what it deserved.

BAM WAKE UP!

2012-01-12T23:15:00.000-06:00

i went to class today (as usual, on tuesdays and thursdays). however, i did not get my ritalin (which i get a pill at lunch time to help stimulate me, because my med box was not refilled and the ritalin hadn't came in from the pharmacy yet). i sat through class aware but a little tired. then after class, i went out to the lobby (main part of campus) to wait for my ride to come. i MUST have dozed off because the last thing that i remember, is falling forward and smacking my forehead on the tray of my wheelchair. i probably was funny as hell to see but it hurt like a bitch. i can still remember when i lived at the last apartment in minneapolis and i seen a lady with epilepsy run into an elevator door as it was closing. now i know how she feels. my head still kinda hurts from banging it on my tray. i think that most people who take ritalin and are epileptic develop a dependency to it. great. they end up falling asleep if they don't have it- their body eventually depends on the drug for energy. i never used to understand how this one woman (who has epilepsy) could nap all the time, it's sad because you should never say things unless you've had a first hand experience.

on the go

2012-01-10T11:23:00.000-06:00

i just got back from seeing the doctor (my follow-up appointment from my tortocollis surgery). i was unaware that i even had an appointment this morning until 8 am, when my phone rang and the medical transportation company guy was here to bring me to my appointment. all that the doctor did at the appointment was look at my neck and ask me if i had any problems with the surgery. he told me that my neck looked like it was healing good but if i wanted, he could give me some cream to put on the scar. i never got around to getting the cream, i forgot. afterwards, i went straight back to my apartment and i'm going to eat lunch and then i'll head out for class at 1. i tried telling the nurse about the pain that i get right below my left rib at different times and she told me to consult my primary care physician and the doctor that i was seeing today didn't specialize in those types of problems. i did tell my primary care physician and all that she had me do is breathe in a few times while she felt under my rib cage and she prescribed me some shit. i already have a busy schedule and to try to fit in an appointment with that stupid doctor wouldn't make things better, especially if the problem is probably just going to come back again like it has now. i don't know if she knew what she was doing when she prescribed be that shit, she probably just prescribed it to me to get me out of her office.. dumbass.
i stayed up reading some shit (that i knew that i probably wouldn't remember) last night until 11 pm in bed laying with my laptop in bed with me. i still haven't read it all but i think that even if i did read it all, i probably wouldn't remember what i read partially because of the fact that it was late and i was tired AND my good old short term memory. i'll probably just end up sitting in class today, staring at the board, as the professor speaks about some shit that i forgot or that i didn't even bother reading. i'll probably fail this class. ah well. i can't get too comfortable with the idea of failure though.. that won't get me anywhere in life. just gotta keep truckin.

busy.

2012-01-09T10:56:00.000-06:00

i've been busy with trying to get things done for class and i'm not even sure if we have an assignment tommorow. i'm assuming that we do because we had one last class and i also need to make up the journal entries that i missed in class. i forgot that i had physical therapy today and i do right now and my physical therapist is here now, so i gotta go..

2012-01-07T21:33:00.001-06:00

I had to complete my online course for Rasmussen today. I really didn't want to take an online course because I would have trouble getting help when I need it and they're difficult to keep up with. I'm on my standing frame right now watching the saints and the lions game. I'm on the phone with Maurice and he keeps telling me the saints better watch out, the lions will come back- I just told him to shut up and that they wouldn't. I've been standing in this standing frame for 50 minutes, the pca told me that he'd be back about 15 minutes ago. I could reach and pull the lever to let myself down, I suppose- then my knees probably wouldn't hurt so bad.

great start

2012-01-04T08:39:00.000-06:00

i feel dead. i'm so tired, i think that i've had to wake up at 6 am for the past three days and i haven't been able to fall asleep until about 10:30 pm every night. i usually end up waking up at about 4 am out of habit and i can't fall back asleep usually until after 6 am. i had my first day of class yesterday and i didn't have a pen, paper, or folder. my pca got me ready at the last minute and couldn't find my things, so i didn't have anything for class. we're expected to write a journal entry every day of class and i couldn't. i have bad short term memory and my tape recorder didn't even have a damn battery in it. just great.

i would forget my head if it weren't on my shoulders.

2012-01-02T15:53:00.000-06:00

i have my first day of class tommorow. i hope that i have everything, i'll probably forget something knowing me. i feel like i'm forgetting to do something right now. this sucks. i forgot to buy a backpack to keep everything in. i'll have to shove everything in my backpack that's already on my wheelchair. i also don't know if i have a written excuse for having a tape recorder in my class. i need a recorder because of my short term memory which is an effect of my brain injury. i don't want to get there and be sitting there and need something important that i forgot. i need to have an optimistic attitude about classes though, i won't get anywhere with a discouraged attitude.
i have physical therapy tommorow morning for my neck. i hope that my neck isn't moving back out of place, sometimes it feels like it is. i find it strange that they didn't give me a brace for my neck to wear after i had the surgery. i see a lot of other patients in the clinic rolling around in their wheelchairs with neck braces on (they might have worse conditions though). they can't say that i never asked if i needed to wear a brace because i did. it feels like i should be wearing one at night (at least). i don't want to go through surgery again. dr. shuh was suggesting botox but i've had botox shots in my neck before (it was a while ago but i still had botox shots in my neck a few times before) and it obviously didn't last because i still needed to have surgery (even after the botox). i still have to go in for more physical therapy, so my neck might get stronger and straighten itself out. only time will tell.

it's a new year..

2012-01-01T15:25:00.000-06:00

i'm watching the vikings and bears football game. jared allen set the single-season sack record this game. jared allen is a monster when it comes to sacks. if the vikings could only do something with their offense after he sacks the quarterback and gets the ball back. he's the only player that made it to the pro-bowl off the vikings, for good reason.
they put joe webb in again for quarterback. he's not doing a bad job, he can do more than just throw- which you don't often see in quarterbacks. fuck. he just threw a pick. dumbass. that'll end the game.
my grandma told me that she's going to try to look into getting me a reverse walker. i don't know when or how i'm going to get one. THIS IS A NEW YEAR THOUGH, WE GOTTA MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! i'm starting class on tuesday (i got my ID in the mail when i was gone from my apartment, i'm pretty sure that my scanner doesn't work, since my printer is being stupid and isn't working) .

make it stop. let this end, all these years pushed to the ledge- but proud i stand of who i am, i plan to go on living.

2011-12-30T18:35:00.000-06:00

i'll be starting classes on tuesday and i'm not sure if i should've jumped into college right away because i had originally said that i wanted to focus on my rehabilitation before i started anything with college. things just got so boring and when i finally enrolled in college, it seemed like my rehabilitation was appointments were actually being scheduled. i knew this shit would happen. i don't want to choose between college and rehabilitation, even though (i'm thinking) that it would probably cut the time that i will need for rehabilitation down. i want to stay occupied and college helps keep me occupied. one of my pca's said to me one morning, "stacy, you need yo' self a man." and i just said to her, "WHY?" and she said, "so you can stay occupied." i brushed her off and said, "yeah.. okay." i don't need anyone to occupy me, that's the least of my worries right now. i just want to get on my feet literally. it just really annoys me that it's taking so long to get rehabilitated because i've been goin at this rehabilation for at least 5 years (probably longer than that if you don't count when i was still going to high school, i did outpatient rehab when i was in school). i just hope that i can move further with my rehabilitation in this new year because i'm not going to stop. i can find a way for classes and rehabilitation hopefully.

dehydration

2011-12-29T16:51:00.000-06:00

i had my ARP therapy at my chiropractic office yesterday. they attached plugs onto the back of my neck and on my ankles. they turned some machine on which sent some kind of ARP waves (i'm not sure what they're called exactly). this is supposed to help me get feeling in my feet and so that i get my sense of balance back somehow. the first time that they performed the therapy on me, they said my toes started to curl and i sat up straight. i don't think that i had enough water last night or in the morning, so the therapy wasn't being effective right away and it was feeling like needles were stabbing me. the woman who was doing the therapy asked me how much water i drank that morning because it probably was causing me pain if i was dehydrated. she ended up mixing up a cup of electrolytes for me and had me drink that. after i drank the cup of electrolytes, she resumed the ARP therapy. i will be getting ARP therapy twice a week starting next year.i went to my orientation at rasmussen last night. the people there seemed nice so far. their handicap accessible door was busted (which i often find at a lot of places). i hope that classes at rasmussen go well and i can at least get myself further in life as a result of taking them, which doesn't seem to be the situation with when i took classes at brown college before. i want to (at least) be able to do something with the classes.

PACKER NUTCRACKER!

2011-12-27T16:22:00.000-06:00

i go to rasmussen for my orientation tommorow. i hope that i do well in this college. i feel like there's something that i'm forgetting to do but i can't remember it. i hate when this shit happens and it happens a lot now especially since i have short term memory (which is an effect of Traumatic Brain Injury, which i also happen to have). i was thinking while i was walking with my gatetrainer walker that when and IF i ever get through all of this bullshit and i finally get strong enough to help myself do more things for myself, i'm going to reach out to all of the victims of traumatic brain injuries. there is so much that one doesn't understand until they have a tramatic brain injury. either that or i'm going to go with my original intention and reach out to the victims of DWI's and encourage kids not to drink and drive because it comes with consequences.
i think that taco bell food gave me some bad food because last night i puked my quesadilla up (which i ordered from there before i came home, i didn't eat anything else) while i was standing on my standing frame. i felt really warm for some reason and then my gut started to hurt. i decided to call my grandma on my cell phone (while i was standing) because i thought that maybe that would help me not to puke (sometimes you think something is going to happen and it doesn't because you say it's going to, that's what i was hoping would happen). well.. nope. i called her and told her that i felt like i was going to throw up and she told me to call the office. i was on my standing frame, so i couldn't call them. then a minute later, i ended up puking all over the tray of my standing frame and on my i-pad while i was still on the phone with her. so.. finally, the pca came to take me off of the standing frame. he cleaned everything off. damn taco bell.. and i wondered why they gave me a free taco in my bag (which i haven't ate yet and now i don't know if i'm going to, i stuck it in my fridge).
i was supposed to go to sister kenny for physical therapy today but my physical therapist cancelled my appointment for some reason. while i was stretching my neck, i thought of the song "walk" by the foo fighters and it came on the radio. the heels of my feet started to feel warm and then they got really cold and tingly. i'm a psychic. well, at least about the song part.
i almost forgot! i was watching monday night football last night and they showed their favorite "c'mon man" clips and they showed a clip of a minnesota viking player's foot smashing into a green bay packer's player's junk. i laughed out loud and said to myself immediately, "HAHA! IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOT BALLS ANYWAY.. HE'S A PACKER! THAT SHOULDN'T HURT HIM!" i couldn't forget to mention that.

time to live again.

2011-12-26T16:46:00.000-06:00

i returned back to my own place today. i went to my mom's place on thursday just until today and then i will go back to her house on friday. my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend usually come along with my mom to bring me back to my place but they stayed at my cousin's house, mainly (i think) because they were annoyed with me waking up at night for different reasons (usually something involving my humidyfyer or opening a window because of trouble with my breathing). i also think that my epilepsy doesn't help my sleeping. i'm pretty sure that other people with epilepsy usually take sleeping pills because i'm pretty sure that most of them have weird sleeping patterns. well.. i refuse to take sleeping pills. when i found out that i had epilepsy and they offered me sleeping pills (because of the weird metabolism), i said, "cool. HAND 'EM OVER." i guess that i ran into a lot of side effects while taking them. the supervisor of the other program (where i used to live in) said that i'd call her answering machine at night and hallucinate, i'd say things like my bed was jumping. so.. anyway, i'd end up waking my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend, so they ended up getting annoyed with that and stayed with my cousin for the night. the pca's around this apartment also reported that i have trouble falling asleep.
i go to orientation at rasmussen on wednesday. i was thinking about enrolling back into brown college and finishing my degree (so that i can move on with my life quicker), because i only have a year left but if i don't- i'll probably end up just wasting the whole year that i spent doing my credits. then i thought things over, i think that maybe i want to just start over again. i know that i'll be flushing a whole year down the toilet but i'm not as interested in the health profession anymore. i don't want to be doing something that i don't like and live my whole life wishing i would've done something else. plus, it's a new year.. maybe it's time to start over. i don't live where i used to, that's a start.
Easy for you to say.
Your heart has never been broken.
Your pride has never been stolen.
Not yet, not yet.
One of these days.
I bet your heart'll be broken.
I bet your pride'll be stolen.
I'll bet, I'll bet, I'll bet, I'll bet.
One of these days.
One of these days.
ya know what? a lot of the foo fighters' lyrics to their songs i can relate to. they were definetly my favorite band to see in concert. mainly because i got to stand up and lean against the stage (if i got tired and for leverage). plus, dave grohl is awesome. i especially loved when they performed the song "walk" because that song always gets me. i think that my brain must be hooked up with the person who writes their lyrics because i find myself relating to a lot of their material. i never used to be a big fan of their band until i heard the song "walk" on the radio and then i started listening to more of their material. i always thought of them as being a "pop music" band and never really listened to their music at first, it was just there.
IT'S ALMOST A NEW YEAR PEOPLE! OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW.. TIME TO START OVER!Now it's time to watch football.. Watched it last night. Sucked.. Damn cheeseheads. I knew that Chicago couldn't take'em anyway. This sucks though, the vikings' best player is out. Adrian Peterson scores half of their TD's and he's out this season and probably some of next.

snow?

2011-12-23T21:57:00.000-06:00

i don't know about most people but i, personally, didn't mind the lack of snow during the winter. we hadn't got a lot of snow, of course with exception to that one time that i had to basically get my wheelchair towed in a snowstorm when maurice and i were stuck out in a snow storm and my wheelchair didn't have enough juice to get home. there were flurries today but it wasn't horrible. i can still remember when i was young and we would have enough snow to go sledding. i'm going to turn into a weather dork and say hello global warming. i can say that i don't mind snow but it's a bitch to drive an electric wheelchair on especially when they don't plow the damn streets. SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING PAID FOR THIS SHIT
i got my hair trimmed today. i don't know if you can really see a difference, i didn't do anything too drastic. after that, i was supposed to get something done for my financial aid for college but i kept getting error messages while trying to send it in. i called the help line and they told me to call some other people who ended up telling me that they didn't know why the help line directed me to them with the question. no one ever wants to help a person.. and/or no one ever wants to take the time to help a person and.or no one knows the appropriate information (which i doubt, why would they stick these people behind helplines?). it pisses me off.

hold your head up.

2011-12-22T14:00:00.000-06:00

i'm waiting for someone to help me walk with my gatetrainer walker. i didn't get an opportunity to walk yesterday, so i didn't get an opportunity to see how and if the ARP waves that i had yesterday at the chiropractor office helped my balance in any way like they did before when i had them. the new apartment that i stay at is much nicer than my previous apartment in minneapolis, it just has less help and i don't get as much of my rehabilitation done here. i'm not as depressed (so far) as i was when i lived at minneapolis. i haven't been here that long yet though, i lived in minneapolis for at least 4 years (i lost count). hopefully this place is better. there's more to do here. well, i'm not couped up in my apartment like i was when i lived in minneapolis anyway.

my mind is set on overdrive

2011-12-19T16:59:00.000-06:00

i start classes on the 3rd of january, the only thing is that i hope that i don't wear myself out. i'll be going to college, while still doing a day of rehab at sister kenny, seeing my chiropractor, and the lady wants to see me at least twice a week for ARP waves. my independent living services worker told me to tell me if i felt too overwhelmed at anytime. i know that i like to stay busy but i hope that i can keep up. i have an appointment every day of the week. i've wanted to go to rasmussen for school and i don't know if i'll get approved if i enroll again or if i can even enroll again because i think that there's a rule that says that you can only try to enroll twice and after that, they don't consider your application. i also need to record the class with a tape recorder and i think that i forgot to contact the appropriate person for accomodations or they haven't contacted me about using a recorder. i used a tape recorder for my psychology class and i did well in that class, i don't know if this college is good for accomodations though. whenever i bring up their accomodations, the only argument they can seem to make against me is, " YES WE DO! WE DO WE HAVE HANDICAP ACCESSIBLE DOORS!" ooooo.. handicap accessible doors. all that'll do is get me in and out of the damn college to show my need for accomodations. this stupid "Manhasset, NY" number has been calling me at about the same time every day. yesterday (and the day before), people from that number asked me if i was still thinking about going to school. i told them that i was in the process of being enrolled in a school and they said goodbye. the number just called me but after i said, "hello?" this robot voice said, "good bye." and hung up the phone. i don't know how these dicks got my number but this shit is getting annoying. i don't know what the hell these dicks get outta calling my number. they aren't adverising anything and it's not on accident. i need to figure out how to get my phone number put on the "do not call" list somehow.

no surprise here.

2011-12-18T16:24:00.000-06:00

i just got done watching the vikings lose another game, i didn't expect them to win the game. i told maurice last night on the phone that they would lose. it was almost as if jared allen was pretty much the only one on defense even trying to defend the ball. the rest of the defense was out there sitting on their hands. it wasn't even a competition, it was so embarassing. it was almost like half of them were just chasing the offense around, that doesn't mean they were covering them but they were acting like they were doing something and being productive (it was pathetic). i thought that maybe just maybe they would pull themselves ahead because they were only behind by 1 at one point but i had this secret doubt in it because of their record of messing up past leads in games or close ones. the stupid cheeseheads lost though, so that's good.

the pretender.

2011-12-16T16:57:00.000-06:00

I'm the voice inside your head
You refuse to hear
I'm the face that you have to face
Mirrored in your stare
I'm what's left, I'm what's right
I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that will take you down
Bring you to your knees

i had intended on taking one of my classes online at rasmussen but it turns out that the class is overbooked on students, so i can't take that class online this semester. i'm pretty sure that i want to take a class online this semester and one on campus. i just need to confirm my schedule. i hope that this program works for me. i suppose that i could go back to brown if all else fails but i didn't really want to go into that major (health information technician.. i couldn't see myself dealing with patient's problems at the time) anymore. that was the only reason i switched colleges. HOWEVER, i did manage to remember to ask the doctor who performed my surgery to write a doctor's note for my absence from college due to my neck problems and the douche bag stated that i'd be okay to return to classes in january, he couldn't just write out an excused absence slip- he had to state when it would be okay for me to return to classes. i don't remember having any physical therapy appointments for my neck however, which it also states on this slip. it says that i will be "initiany" physical therapy next week. either he can't spell or he has bad handwriting. i don't want to mess up this torticollis surgery, i've had it once before and i don't want to have it again. i need to get the appropriate physical therapy because i think that was the problem last time that i had the surgery. i don't remember getting physical therapy for my neck after the surgery, all that i got was a neck brace and i still have that neck brace. i was told by the same physical therapist who gave it to me that it rubbed against my palate (i had surgery on my palate, the wall thing that filters smoke from getting to your lungs and helps you make "k" and "h" sounds for example) so i stopped wearing my brace.

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

just do your damn job

2011-12-15T11:54:00.000-06:00

i pulled the call light for help and my pca came within about 5 minutes and i just asked my pca to put my headrest back on my wheelchair. after i asked her to put the headrest back on my wheelchair, she put her hands on her hips and says, "YOU GOT ME RUNNIN ALL UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS JUST FOR A HEADREST? *puts headrest on chair* I'M GONNA TALK TO THE NURSE ABOUT THIS. I COULD HAVE PUT IT ON WHEN I WAS HERE BEFORE. WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME PUT IT ON THEN?" and i said, "heh, good exercise." and cracked a smile. after that, she stormed out of my room and threatened to tell the nurse on me. that's ok.. i got orders from my physical therapist to stretch my neck and the pca's are actually supposed to be helping me with the stretching. ah well.

I'm learning to walk again I believe I've waited long enough Where do I begin?

2011-12-14T16:25:00.000-06:00

i went to the chiropractor today and then afterwards, i seen some people who practiced ARP waves on me. i could definitely feel some voltage go through me when they turned up the energy, they told me to tell them when to stop. i didn't want the voltage to go up in my body too much because i didn't know what it could do if it went up too high, so i told them to stop right when the volts felt a little too warm (if i remember right) i can definetly feel a difference when i walked with my walker just now. it was easier to pick up my feet. i started to sit up straight in my wheelchair also. the lady and her associate both asked me if i walked at home, i told them that i walked every day for 30 minutes. they asked why i only walked for 30 minutes, if it was because of fatigue. i told them that it was because they were short staffed where i lived and i couldn't walk for longer than 30 minutes. they understood and told me they believed they could get me walking again. the woman who was practicing the waves on me told me that she wanted to try to get me in twice a week. i think that the stupid bitch (who lived at the apartment in the assisted living program that i was in before) mandae also had these ARP waves and i've heard people say that bitch walks around. a stupid pca said something to me about mandae's chiropractor hooking these plugs up to her while he worked on her. i wonder if it's not the same kinda thing. my grandma said that she can walk, she's just using her injury for attention.

reverse

2011-12-13T16:13:00.000-06:00

i went to sister kenny today and got measured for a reverse walker. my grandma just spoke to my physical therapist about talking to my care coordinator about getting a reverse walker. she told her that she thinks that i could handle a reverse walker, the only obstacle that i would have would be my balance and she said that she thought i would be okay if i had someone there to watch me and make sure that nothing happened (it didn't tip). now hopefully i can get the walker, the tight ass of a coordinator better not have anything to say about it.

decisions.. decisions.

2011-12-12T16:53:00.000-06:00

i had to get up early for my orthodontist appointment and my physical therapy appointment-surgery follow-up appointment this morning at 7 am. i generally wake up around that time anyway but i usually just lay in bed and doze in and out of sleep til i get out of bed at 8. after i went to my appointments, i came home and my independent living services worker met with me and we enrolled in rasmussen. she asked me what i didn't like about going to brown and she just automatically assumed that i dropped out because it was too much work for me. she kept asking me to think over if i really had time for school. the moron didn't even look at the fact that i completed about 4 classes at brown previously. she needs to just let me do my own damn thing when it comes to school, that's what my last independent living services worker did- and we got along fine. i am considering going back to brown college to finish my degree up though, i only had a year to finish and i'm closer to the school where i live now too.

I'LL HELP MYSELF

2011-12-11T13:36:00.001-06:00

so i'm watching the football game start and my sister's boyfriend has one of my bottles of water in his hand (which he took upon his own to grab), he asks me, "hey stacy, can i have a water?" and i blatantly say, "NO." to him and he opens the water and takes a drink. so after that, i raised my voice a bit and said, "I THOUGHT I SAID NO." my mom tries to mediate and says, "come on, it's just water." then my sister says, "well, let's go to the car." to her boyfriend and they leave my apartment. my mom says to me, "stacy, they help you and you're mean to them." so i say to her that i don't like other people taking advantage of me and taking my things JUST because they help me. then i tell her that i didn't even want them to help me, forget them if they're just going to take my things when they help me. i'll help my fuckin self, busted up neck or not rather than have someone take my shit when they help me. MAN. DO I LOOK LIKE THAT DEFENSELESS OF A PERSON FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF? IS THIS WHAT I'VE BEEN DEGRADED TO? i sure hope not. ESPECIALLY NOT to my younger sister. geez.
this game between the vikings and the lions is pathetic. i had been hoping that ponder would be a good quarterback but he's threw about 3 interceptions just this game. the vikings have had too many turnovers. the line isn't protecting the quarterback, in fact, joe webb was forced to run the ball in for a 65 yard touchdown and he was playing the quarterback position. not to forget the first (was it?) minute of the game fumble recovery in the endzone. i said to myself after that recovery, "oh great, it all goes downhill from here." it picked up a bit though.

Nö rest for the wicked

2011-12-08T16:31:00.001-06:00

The nurse tried to put an IV with anesthesia when I was put to sleep but she couldn't find my vein, so they had to give me gas. I hate gas, I would prefer a needle over gas anyday but she couldn't find my vein. Needless to say, I don't remember anything about the surgery, I think it's probably better that way.
I have a band-aid on the left side of my neck and I have to be careful that I don't turn my head too much or the wrong way. I'm not supposed to stretch my neck until Monday. I don't think that I was cautious enough with my neck the first time that I had tortocollis surgery and I think that I didn't give my neck enough time to recover the first time that I had the surgery either. I think that I'm starting physical therapy for my neck next week when I go for my orthodontist appointment on Monday.
I didn't even stand in my standing frame yesterday because the nurse suggested that I didn't because I had shots of morphine before I left the hospital, I still felt like I wanted to do things though. The doctor who gave me my post-op appointment on Tuesday said to me, "you should see about getting a job." outta nowhere. I just looked at her and told her that I have a lot of appointments for rehab and I don't think I'd have time. I always have appointments and my rehabilitation comes first. That doctor doesn't know jackshit about me anyway. She's only seen me once before. One of the pca's who work here told me that I need to just sit down and rest because she said that I'm always doing something. I feel like I'm the kind of person that always needs to be doing something. It tears me apart to be so inactive and nonproductive right now. I don't want to stoop to doing something lower than my standards, just to be doing something.

Another surgery.

2011-12-06T18:06:00.001-06:00

I have to get up early again tomorrow morning and get ready to leave for surgery at 8 am when my grandma and mom will pick me up for surgery. My pca asked me what I was thinking about the surgery, so I looked at her and told her straight out that I was trying not to think about the surgery. I looked at my neck in the mirror and there is starting to form a small bump on the right side of my neck, which is being removed in surgery tomorrow, I think. I can pull through this.. It's just another surgery.

Physical Therapy

2011-12-05T08:47:00.001-06:00

i'm at my last physical therapy appointment before my torticollis surgery. i had to get up at 6 am and out of bed because i knew that my stupid transportation company would show up to come pick me up for the appointment and i probably wouldn't get a chance to shower again (if i stayed in bed longer). my pre-op appointment is scheduled for tommorow, which seems a little late to me seeing as my surgery is just the next day after that (wednesday). i also have been coughing a little. i'm not sure if it's because i wheeled out in the cold yesterday (when it was snowing) to get a pack of water from k-mart. i put my mittens and i even wrapped a scarf around my face before i went outside. i started coughing when i returned from k-mart. hopefully it's nothing and doesn't put a delay on my surgery and/or doesn't effect me during the surgery. my grandma has been already getting feelings of unconfidence in the surgery and i haven't even had it yet. the reason why i say that, she has already began suggesting alternatives if the surgery doesn't work. she said to me a couple times now, "you know, if the surgery doesn't work, you have to go to botox.." i don't give a shit, i've had botox. she was the one that wanted surgery over botox because she told me that she felt it would be more permanent whereas with botox, you need to keep going in for injections every 6 months (i think, it's been a while since i've had them).

what a pain in the neck

2011-12-04T16:05:00.001-06:00

my neck hurts like a bitch, hopefully it will be better after wednesday. my grandma said that she and my mom are going to take me to gillette regions hospital on wednesday morning to have surgery.
i'm watching the giants and the packers football game. the giants better kick the cheeseheads' asses. i'm sick of hearing about those assholes being undefeated this season. i watched the vikings and the broncos football game. everytime that i would pay attention to the game, the vikings would score points and they eventually gained the lead. so when i started to make the new calendar (which i hung on the back of my front door), they started losing. damnit.

MY STORY STARTS HERE..

2011-12-02T15:19:00.001-06:00

i just completed my college experience course (which i need to complete to enroll in rasmussen college). i'll start classes in january for network administration. i wanted to get out of the health field because i didn't feel like i was empathetic enough for that and i wanted to go into the technology field even more than just an information technician. i hope that i can handle going to rasmussen and all of my rehabilitation because rasmussen requires students to take at least two classes a semester whereas brown college only required one class a semester and i'm not sure if maybe i did that (so that i wouldn't get burnt out so quickly). we'll see how this goes though. i was looking in the mirror this afternoon while eating a hot dog and drinking my sunkist thinking to myself, "i'm not going to live my life like this. i'm not going to take this card. i don't belong in a wheelchair, if i did, God would have taken my ability to walk and stand away from me. i'm not going to take this." i'll keep working at it til i burn myself out. life is ours, we live it our way.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!

2011-12-01T16:42:00.001-06:00

i'm attempting to complete the modules for the class which we need to pass in order to enroll at rasmussen, here i find on msn.com that mcnabb has been let go from the vikings team. now.. BOTH of the players on the vikings team who's jerseys i own have been let go midseason. i only have one other jersey and that player better not be released because the vikings won't have a defense at all and he leads in sacks. the other jersey of the player (who was let go from the team midseason) was randy moss.
i have a pre-op appointment on the 6th of december with a different doctor rather than my primary care physician. i think that my coordinator got sick of the complaints about her from me and my grandma. the last time that i was supposed to have my post-op, the doctor cancelled and i ended up making myself look like a maniac in the waiting room because she cancelled the appointment and claimed that she called my house (i told her that i was in my apartment all day and didn't get any calls). i think that i recalled on my blog the day of the appointment, i ended up mocking the doctors laughing in another room amongst themselves (i was in the waiting room and they were in another room) by saying loudly to myself, "HAHAHAHA!" after i heard them laughing in the other room which forced everyone to look at me weird but i didn't do anything. they're cutting the pre-op appointment really close to my surgery because my surgery is already the next day on the 7th. i got a call from gillette on monday asking me whether i have a will and if they should resescitate me if they needed to, i just said, "no." so i think that she might have put that down for both. the only thing that i'm a little worried about is my breathing because i've had surgery on palate and i need a humidyfer at night in order to breathe. the doctor that's doing the surgery did mention that the only risk was if i were to stop breathing during surgery while they put me under anesthesia. i've gone through this surgery before, it was just a little different (i think). i should be up and kickin right away, i won't get to swim for a while though.

rush

2011-11-30T08:32:00.001-06:00

the stupid transportation company called my phone this morning at 7:15 am wanting to pick me up for my appointment at gillette lifetime. i had just got out of bed and i was getting ready to get in the shower, my pca had to answer the phone for me. she asked the driver to give us til 8 am and the stupid bitch of a dispatcher told the driver to tell me that he would leave if i wasn't ready by 7:45. so, here i am. i had to get my baclofen pump refilled and i didn't think that they would come that soon because my appointment wasn't until 9:15 but the transportation company sucks. i shouldn't have to wait on my transportation company and then all of a sudden be ready at the flip of a coin because they're old farts who love money. i bet that they will have me wait at gillette lifetime for a return ride (as soon as my appointment is over) for at least an hour and a half (as usual) but they can come as early as hell to pick me up for my appointment.

ugh

2011-11-28T12:52:00.001-06:00

i'm going to the doctor for my pre-op appointment, i don't even like this stupid doctor. i have a feeling that i will be stuck with her for a while, which isn't right. my surgery is on december 7th and the coordinator told me to wait til after the surgery to get another doctor. i doubt that she'll even work on getting me a new doctor then. that's how my health care team works though, they do what they want, not what i want. i have rights damnit.

r.i.p.

2011-11-26T20:02:00.001-06:00

i went with my mom and grandma to a friend of the family's (he was married to my grandma's niece). it was pretty sad to see all of the people grieving. i had a lot of respect for the man, he had to live with a tumor for 14 years (i think) with knowledge of it. the doctors had told him that he'd die within a few months but he kept going. he lived to see both of his daughters graduate and the birth of his first grandchild. that just shows that doctors don't know everything and that he was a fighter- because i can just imagine the pain that he went through all of that time. most people would just say, "unplug me." but he kept going. a rock song was playing quietly repeatedly while the funeral was going- if i remember i right i think that it was the song where the chorus says, "i was born to rock.." it was cool. he was only 47 and my cousin's dad also, so i knew him, he was a really nice guy. i'm just glad that he's not in pain anymore.
the vikings play the falcons tommorow. since adrian peterson is out of the game, they really don't have a chance to win.. especially since the vikings started to lose the game when peterson got taken out after he got taken out (if i remember right- and it wouldn't surprise me if i don't). this whole season is down the drain anyway. they've gotten so bad that i watch it just to watch football now. oh well, go vikings. i'll still wear the jared allen jersey that i bought yesterday tommorow while i watch the game). i think that i must have 3 vikings jerseys and at least 2 vikings t-shirts.

"smart asses"

2011-11-25T20:24:00.001-06:00

you know what really annoys the hell outta me? when a person uses a word to describe another person and it's obvious that person (who is using the word to describe the person) doesn't know what the hell the word means because it really doesn't describe the situation at all in any way and it's obvious that person was just trying to look intelligent by using big words to describe the person. that situation happened today with me with a person who it's happened with once before, not directly, but i know that they told another person to say something to me when it didn't even make any sense and it just annoys the hell outta me because they're going to get that other person into trouble.
anyway.. we went shopping for black friday. we didn't get up early or anything, like you see some of those psychos. i just exchanged my i-pad cover for a different one. i didn't go christmas shopping yet, i got time.
i don't know what to get everyone. i'll figure it out.
my independent living services worker called me today and said that she made a ride for the tour of rasmussen college next week.

so much to do, so little time

2011-11-24T11:07:00.001-06:00

i had those plugs plugged into my collarbone area and my toes when i went to the chiropractor yesterday. the lady and her associate worked with neurobrainwaves or something (i forgot what they were called already). she turned up the voltage and asked me if i felt anything, eventually, i felt a warm tingling sensation on the back of my neck. i told her and that made her and her associate smile, they continued with the treatment and eventually i felt a tingling sensation in my left toes. about two minutes later, it spread to my right foot/toes. the woman and her associate said that my toes had curled during the treatment. i want to continue with the treatment. i believe they can help me. the lady gave me her card and told me to tell my grandma to call her and she would set up some appointments. i came home and told my grandma about the treatment, she acted almost helpless and said that she didn't know my schedule, so she wasn't going to call her. she would let my independent living services worker call her because she knows my schedule. i need to start treatment as soon as possible because i've already enrolled with rasmussen college and they said classes start in january. i need to take at least two classes to be enrolled at rasmussen college and the lady who will be doing the treatment wants to see me twice a week. i will also be having surgery on december 7th, if the recovery is like last time and i remember right- it should only be a same day surgery and about day recovery.

maybe two times is a charm?

2011-11-22T15:28:00.001-06:00

i enrolled for rasmussen college yesterday. i'll start out with taking only two classes to start out with. i'm majoring in network admistration, i wanted to get out of the health field because i felt that i didn't have an empatethic enough attitude for the health field and i was more interested in network administration topics. i hope that i can actually dedicate myself enough to get into the school and actually graduate with a degree. a person needs to pass an entrance exam in order to get accepted to the school but i couldn't pass it the last time that i took it- so i don't know. i was too busy to complete the exam, so i didn't get accepted to the college.

deep breath

2011-11-21T11:56:00.001-06:00

the game between the raiders and the vikings was just miserable. all of the vikings' hopes of even winning the game went down the toilet as soon as adrian peterson was taken out of the game. it really doesn't help that the damn offensive line can't even protect their quarterback. maybe just maybe they could have pulled a win out of their asses if ponder wouldn't have thrown that interception in the fourth quarter. they had a special before the game on tv which talked about how badly they were going to focus on "rebuilding", yeah.. rebuilding.. rebuilding my ass. i'll still watch them win or lose though, i like football and they're the team that's televised around here. i grew up with the vikings. i can still remember when my grandpa would take my brother and i to look at training camp in mankato during the summer.
i was supposed to check out rasmussen college today but my independent living services worker didn't make a ride with metro mobility on time on friday. she couldn't make one today either, so i'm delayed at the cost of someone else.
i was thinking of something and i know when i'm being ignored/avoided. it must be nice to just ruin someone else's life and go on with your own, as if nothing happened. i know that i've said this before- i don't know what the hell i want. i guess maybe an apology for your immature nosey ass sister who had absolutely no right to go and attack me, speaking as if she knew what she was talking about. i didn't respond to her ignorant ass only because i didn't have time for her bullshit. i didn't feel like stooping to her immaturity. i'm taking a guess that she had nothing better to do, so she went out and attacked someone who she thought would be an easy target because she had nothing better to do. i know that you're probably proud of her for going out and approaching me, even though you claim that you were going to say something to her. what goes around, comes around, buddy. have a nice day. i can't wait to see all the comments about God that i get for this post.

Stuck in snow

2011-11-19T21:09:00.001-06:00

It seems like something wrong always happens whenever Maurice comes to my place to visit. We left for the mall to eat lunch and it wasn't snowing. Maurice wanted to eat at subway, so we ate sub sandwiches in the mall. Neither of our electric wheelchairs had much power in them, I had charged my wheelchair the night before. After we had got done eating, we had went out of the mall and into the parking lot. There was a lot of snow and I thought that I was turning the right way, but I guess that I wasn't. We ended up in front of a shoe store and some guy had pulled his car over and brought us into the shoe store. Here I am, bawling and freezing my ass off (my lips are swollen because I'm so cold and my chin feels like it's puffy). A lady, her husband, and daughter came to our aid. The lady and her husband called DARTS and asked them to come pick Maurice up at the shoe store instead of my place (like they were supposed to) and bring me to my place. So, DARTS comes along with a bus to take Maurice home but the driver says that he can't bring me home because he has other stops to make. I get mad about him refusing to take me home and I drive my wheelchair out of the parking lot but I don't get far because the sidewalks aren't plowed. I have to turn my wheelchair around and Maurice leaves with DARTS, I'm left there with the woman and her husband and daughter. My wheelchair doesn't have the power to make it home and the couple eventually make the decision to rent a U-haul for my wheelchair and take me home. Turns out there are some nice people out there. I'm watching the Vikings and Raiders game right now. I think that I said I wasn't going to watch anymore Vikings games but I don't have anything else to do right now.

things are moving along slowly..

2011-11-18T13:22:00.001-06:00

i supposed to go on a tour to see rasmussen college on monday. i don't know if i have a ride to the college though and the number that i have listed for metro mobility doesn't work. i'll probably have to call the operator and/or my independent living services worker about whether i have a ride to check the college out or not. my grandma kept trying to tell me, "stacy, i don't know about rasmussen college.." i'm not sure if it's because she still wants me to go to brown college or if she thinks i should wait longer. i don't know. my plans were only to check out the college, i'll make the decision on if and when i want to go when it's time.
my physical therapist was supposed to get back to me about the reverse walker, or that's what my grandma said anyway. the physical therapist made it seem like she wasn't sure that i could use it and i guess that she called my grandma and gave her a completely different impression- as if she was confident in me using the reverse walker and she just needed to see whether i could have the proper help using it at my apartment. she was going to call around to different offices and get back to me about the walker. that's what voice mail i'm supposed to be looking for.

can he help?

2011-11-16T14:57:00.001-06:00

i went to the chiropractor today and he had me see a woman who did something with electrowaves or something (i think). she asked me to come into another room while i waited for my slow ass transportation to pick me up from the chiropractor and bring me home. in the other room, there was another man, who was just there and he also asked me questions about myself. they asked me how old i was and how i got in a wheelchair, they also asked me when i got in the wheelchair. they asked me if i had a spine injury and the doctors have never told me that i've had a spine injury, so i told them that i didn't. they ended up smiling and telling me that they believed they could make me ambulatory one day. that's awesome but i'm not getting my hopes up. at the apartment that i lived at in minneapolis, i spoke about another client who also seen a chiropractor who helped her get back on her feet. this was mandai, my grandma told me that she didn't think anything was wrong with her because she walked so well and it seemed

oh who cares

2011-11-15T16:26:00.001-06:00

the game last night was stupid. i ended up thinking to myself while laying in bed watching the third quarter, "MAN, THIS IS FUCKING POINTLESS. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO WATCH THEM MAKE BIGGER FOOLS OUT OF US." and i dozed off to sleep. i think i woke up in the fourth quarter when the score was 40 somethin-7. the game that the vikings played last night makes me not want to watch anymore of their games. i probably will watch more but their offense was horrible especially in the second half. the half-assed morning show was saying that the game they played last night had everyone wishing they had brad childress as the coach still. i don't know if it's the head coach, it may just be offense and defense but i suppose that the blame all lays on one coach- and that's the head coach. i did get to hear rex ryan shout at a fan who yelled that bill bellechek was a better coach than him to "shut the fuck up!" this morning on the half-assed morning show. that was humorous.

stupid cheeseheads.

2011-11-13T15:33:00.001-06:00

i just got done watching the falcons and the saints game. now i'm stuck watching the damn lions and the bears game, i couldn't give a shit about this game. i knew fox would do this to me. the vikings don't play football till tommorow night against the smelly ass cheeseheads. i still remember the last time that we played those bastards, i strolled to k-mart the day of the game that we played the packers. i seen two morons in the store wearing packers jerseys. here i am with my donovan mcnabb jersey on. i don't remember what i was picking up from the store but i put my hand up vertically next to my mouth and i turned my head a little and said in a deep voice, "PACKERS SUCK!" those morons were confused and they didn't know who said it, but i made them think twice about the packers chances of beating the vikings. stupid cheeseheads. i know that i've probably wrote about this on here before but it's so funny and the vikings are playing the packers tommorow, so it only seemed appropriate.

ugh

2011-11-12T21:06:00.001-06:00

i went to my friend tiffany's baby shower this evening. it was nice just to get out. i seen other people and they were surprised at how strong i am. geez, i didn't think that people would think that just because i'm in a wheelchair that i'm weak. well.. no, i take that back. i suppose that i just surprised them by showing that i can get on my feet. i don't want to be in a damn wheelchair all of my life. i hope that somehow i can push someone to getting me walking with a walker instead of being in a damn wheelchair 24/7. my ass hurts too much during the day. pretty soon, i'm going to get to the point where it won't matter anymore how i get around because i will be so old that they'll just throw me in a bed and have me bed ridden all day. i'm probably just panicing there but people really need to get their asses movin and get me a walker. i've already had the damn physical therapy evaluation i think. i don't know where to go from here and it seems like no one is helping.

impressions

2011-11-11T19:22:00.001-06:00

i went swimming yesterday and i had remembered that i asked jesse if i could come to his apartment sometime, so i went to his apartment yesterday after i walked/range of motion and did my standing frame. he opened the door and i sat with him in front of his tv while he played "call of duty: modern warfare 2". we just had a friendly conversation while he played the game. it turns out that he's only 22 years old, i thought that he was older.. guess not. that's okay though, he was cool to talk to and one might say that it's better than being stranded around all old people in wheelchairs. he told me that he used to have a wheelchair up til about when he was 12 or 13, then he started walking with a walker. i hope that i can start walking with a walker soon. i told him that i was in a car accident and he said that he's never been in a car accident aside from when he crashed his van into a snowbank. he was cool to talk to. i hope that i didn't offend him or anything ever with anything i said or did.

let's get kickin

2011-11-09T17:58:00.000-06:00

i opened a letter that i got yesterday from a housing institute. it said that my name would be taken off of the waiting list because they weren't able to contact me. i know that this shouldn't matter to me because i already found a place for me to live but i'm not sure how long things will go here. i had put all of my faith in the last apartment that i lived at in minneapolis and things ended up going shitty there. the original supervisor (who ran the assisted living program that i was in) ended up moving to rochester and we got a more lenient supervisor (who would let the pca's run over her and basically do what they wanted) up until the time that i finally got out of that hellhole. so far, ashlee (the pca who was the first pca that worked with me and took her time to do all of my cares) has moved and now i have a pca who does everything half-assed (i have to make sure that she does things for me). so now i don't know how things will go from here on. i'm not going to put my faith in this place like i did with the hellhole in minneapolis where i ended up staying from 2006 all the way to just recently when i finally managed to move here to burnsville. i remember that when i first moved to the apartment in minneapolis, something made me develop a txt file on notepad on my personal computer that i put the exact date of when i first moved into the minneapolis apartment because i had hoped that i wouldn't be there long. there's optimism for you.. or stupidity. i worry that i wasted too much time at a shitty ass apartment when i could have gone somewhere better and done something better. i can't think about that shit though.. too depressing. time to turn things around.

transfer?

2011-11-07T14:28:00.000-06:00

if i'm going to transfer from brown to rasmussen, i need my transcripts. i think that i've said this before but i doubt that i will transfer that many credits but it's worth a try. i emailed my admissions representative from brown college and i asked her for the credits. it feels like i've done this before and i doubt that she even got back to me. i'm still going into the IT field, just not HIT (Health Information Technology) field, it shouldn't be that much of a difference in courses. i spoke to the nurse who works at this site about rasmussen college because he's going there right now for his license or something. i had to tell him about the bitch who was going to be a big old bad medical assistant (i believe i've probably repeated this story on here numerous times but there was another hispanic girl in my psychology class who i thought would maybe she would be nice since we had something in common (i didn't say this, i'm not that much of a dork)- so i said "hi" to her all of the time and she would just stick her nose up in the air and smile (not even saying "hi" back) and one time i even heard her tell someone on her cell phone (before psychology class, we were the only two there at the time) that she was at class early and so was "that one girl in the wheelchair" as if i was characterized and they knew who i was just by the description "that one girl in the wheelchair" and she said it in a tone of voice like she was disgusted to say it. she was egotistical and i really didn't see any reason for her to be. whatever lights your fire. needless to say, that one girl gave me a bad feeling about that college from that point on.
i was laughing to myself today because i was thinking about the comments that i got on my blog posts and just recently blogger.com changed their publishing and so now i'm able to see the comments. it's funny because i couldn't actually see the comments people would make about me and i would just continue to say whatever i wanted.. not that it has changed or anything. some of those comments are talking about God and things like that, as if i'm evil or something and i just need God to guide me or something like that. IF I WANTED TO BE PREACHED TO- I WOULD GO TO CHURCH, GOT IT? I DON'T READ MY WEBLOG TO BE TOLD THAT GOD WILL GUIDE ME OR ANYTHING OR FOOTPRINTS OR WHATEVER THE HELL THE PERSON WAS RAMBLING ABOUT. i had to put that in nice language just to be decent. it's easier said than done. let's just keep it at that.

what a coincindence

2011-11-05T15:55:00.002-05:00

maurice came over to my apartment today and he brought my mail that was in my old apartment's mailbox (from when i lived in minneapolis). he had already told me that this bitch (who i didn't like) moved into my old apartment when i told him to tell her that if she even touches my mail, that i will get her for mail fraud.
we went to k-mart first and i bought him a water bottle. we decided to go to the mall to arby's and get our food to-go. i was driving home in my electric wheelchair and i hear, "stacy!" i turn my head and look in back of me and i see maurice ran into a tree stump off the road. he must've been too busy eating and driving at the same time and rolled into the tree. he told me to go get help and i went back to the office to tell maxine because she was the only pca working today. she told me that she couldn't leave the site and told me to call 911 and have them push him out. i told her that he probably wouldn't like that and she said, "well, i can't leave the site. it's all you can do.." so, i rolled back to maurice and he was still stuck. this car rolls up to us (the bass of his music inside of the car booming), parks and this younger guy (in his mid-twenties) gets out of his car and asks maurice if he needs help. the guy pushes maurice off the tree stump and onto the cement and we both thank him. it was a total coincidence that the guy came along and got out of his car and decided to help. maurice said to me that he thought the guy was a staff member who pushed him off the stump and onto the sidewalk because he came so fast and didn't have any problems with it but i told him that i had never seen the guy before. we both thanked him for pushing him off the stump. it was almost like it happened on a timeline because he came along to help just in time as if he was sent. there are some good people out there afterall.

busy?

2011-11-04T17:06:00.001-05:00

i met with my independent living services worker today and we set up an online schedule with all of my doctor's appointments online. she had me email and call the admissions representative at rasmussen and ask to push back my tour of the campus for some reason that i forget. i need to get things rolling with rasmussen if i want to start classes on january 4th there. i kinda wanted to focus on my health and then get school going and my independent living services worker said to me that she thought that when she first met me- it sounded like i wanted to focus on my health and then school. she said that therapy would be a distraction to school. i was going to school and having therapy at the same time when i was going to brown college, it was hard, i'm not sure that i want to do that again. i don't know. agh. i just don't like sitting around unoccupied.

i don't like being blown off

2011-11-03T17:07:00.000-05:00

i just returned from walking with my walker and i was waiting for the elevator to get to my place. i seen a guy who i used to call my "boyfriend" coming back from work and he was getting his mail. i decide to be nice and say, "hi james" and he just responds, "yeah." so i immediately get annoyed at someone deciding to blow me off with their ignorance and i say loudly to my pca, "UGH! WHAT A DOUCHE BAG!" i don't know why he just said, "yeah." to me after i said, "hi" to him, maybe he didn't mean it but he was also around another girl in a wheelchair and i'm not sure whether he was trying to show off in front of her. that's fine, that's one less person that i have to take the time to recognize and say "hi" to.

more neck stretches

2011-11-02T11:35:00.000-05:00

i just got done with my physical therapy examination thing and it was not what i had expected it to be, no surprise there- hit another road block on my road to walking again. when i had spoke to my grandma last night on the phone, she had told me that i would be going in for a physical therapy evaluation before my neck surgery. i didn't see why i needed an evaluation for neck surgery, so i assumed that it was just because sister kenny didn't have the reversible walker, so they were going to give me one instead. i had forgot about the doctor (who's doing the surgery) writing orders for me to have physical therapy on my neck and to have it properly stretched.
i was at gillette lifetime today (in the waiting room) and the physical therapist (who showed absolutely no confidence in me) comes out and asks me to come to the gym, so that she can stretch my neck and take a look at it. i'm thinking in my head, "oh great, this bitch.." so i follow her and she starts to stretch my neck and asks me what's been going on with me lately. i just say to her, "nothin." and she blinks and says, "oh come on, something has to be going on with you.. you still at the same place?" and i said, "nope." then she asked me where i moved and i told her. she asked me if i still walk during the day and i told her that i did and when i walked, i walked for 30 minutes at my apartment a day. eventually i told her about sister kenny telling me their facility didn't have a reverse walker when i went to see them on monday. she told me that a reverse walker was donated to gillette lifetime and they would be giving one away, she said that she would put my name on the list to get one. i will probably be forced to wait a long time before my name comes up but it's better than nothin i guess. i'll still keep looking elsewhere for a reverse walker as well.
i have a feeling that she may feel a little bad about cutting my physical therapy short because she was the one who wanted to know if i was still walking at home because she claimed that there was going to be another physical therapist working in the physical therapy recreation program which is a program which is what they stick clients in who aren't fit enough for actual physical therapy, so they have to keep them active in another program and this is it.

i believe i've waited long enough..

2011-11-02T09:02:00.000-05:00

i'm at gillette lifetime now, just about to be seen for my physical therapy evaluation. i had to write on here quickly because as soon as we were just at the stop light and about to turn into gillette lifetime, i was listening to my i-pod's radio and i had 93x on and they started playing the song "walk" by the foo fighters. i'm going to take that as a sign and keep trying, maybe it's a sign of good things to come on my path to walking once again.

"proving" it

2011-11-01T17:08:00.000-05:00

i've been getting up at 7 am all this week and i'm going to have to get up at 7 am tommorow morning also. i was supposed to try out a reversible walker on monday at sister kenny, so i got up at 7 am but sister kenny claimed they didn't have a reversible walker. now i'm getting up tommorow morning at 7 am because i have a physical therapy evaluation at gillette lifetime in st. paul. i know that i said they didn't have confidence in me when they practiced their physical therapy on me but they're the only facility that i know of which have a reversible walker. all that i can do tommorow is go there and give it my best. i just need to hope that they see that there is some improvement and progressing. i shouldn't need to prove to anything to anyone for one but i think this may be the only way that i take a step further towards walking again.

it's called CONFIDENCE

2011-10-31T17:05:00.000-05:00

i was supposed to go to sister kenny for physical therapy today to try out the reversible walker. i get there and they tell me that they don't have a reversible walker and i'll have to go to another place for therapy to work with a reversible walker. that's just great. i had my independent living services worker cancel my physical therapy appointment at gillette lifetime today because i had one at sister kenny earlier today. this is the thing- when i went to physical therapy at gillette lifetime about 2 years ago, i had got to the point where i asked one of the physical therapists if she thought that i would ever walk again. she got teary and told me that she didn't know. the other physical therapist who worked with me at gillette lifetime cut my physical therapy because she said that she didn't see any improvement and she didn't think that i'd ever improve. that is why i had my independent living services worker cancel my physical therapy appointment that i had with gillette lifetime today- the physical therapists never showed any confidence in me. what's sad is that my physical therapist would continually tell me that she didn't see me improving. my grandma always says that particular physical therapist should be "put out to pasture" because the physical therapist is so old. the only thing that makes me think twice about cancelling the appointment is that gillette lifetime had a reversible walker and sister kenny says that they don't. well, i rescheduled to a different location where they will hopefully have a reversible walker that will work for me. i was watching a church sermon on sunday at my mom's place while i was having breakfast and the pastor said that you should never give up, God doesn't give up, when things are making you tired and you're ready to lay down and give up- you shouldn't give up. i forget how he said it, it was ironic that this was the message because i had just been thinking about all of the people who weren't being supportive towards me.

my thoughts..

2011-10-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

i was thinking about where i am today while i was eating my cereal this morning. things could be a lot worse and it'd probably be very hard for them to be a lot better. a lot of other people my age are already married, have careers, houses, and children but then i also have to consider that they haven't been through half of the things that i've been through. i've fought this battle alone, i can go against what the doctors say. i don't have anyone to impress with what i may or may not have. yes, it would be nice to have more but i also am beginning to realize that sometimes it's not what you have, it's what you do with it. haha.. the highlight of my week.. as sad as this may be.. BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD RETURNING TO MTV TONIGHT!

brrr

2011-10-25T11:14:00.001-05:00

my vision was shifting from left to right when i woke up and got out of bed and i had a headache. i called my grandma and told her about how i was feeling and she suggested that i decided not to go swimming but i want to get as much done as i can before my surgery because i don't know how long i won't be able to go swimming afterwards. i can't remember how long i needed to stay out of the pool the last time that i had surgery on my neck area, i hope that it's not too long and i hope that my insurance doesn't try to say that i can't go swimming anymore after the surgery for some reason. well, it's freezing out and i'm still going swimming in my robe but i also slipped on some sweatpants because it's 50 degrees out there now and my douche bags of a health care team still haven't hired a pca to change me at the swimming pool, so i'll be wet and i hopefully won't get too sick to have surgery. i'm going swimming now.

the walls

2011-10-23T15:33:00.002-05:00

i recieved a letter in the mail which was to remind me of two upcoming appointments. one of them is for my torticollus surgery on december 7th and the other one is for my physical therapy evaluation on november 31st. the physical therapy evaluation is at gillette lifetime which is different than what i had originally thought. from my knowledge, i brought up learning how to walk with a reversable walker and having the physical therapists at sister kenny teach me because the bitches of a physical therapy team at gillette lifetime wouldn't give me a chance to walk with the reversable walker. i take that back, they did give me a chance but after that one chance and failing, they just wrote me off and decided that i wouldn't be able to walk with it. that isn't fair to me. it takes most people more than one time to master something. those physical therapists just didn't like me. so now i'm stuck going back to gillette lifetime and having them tell me that i'm not strong enough to walk with a reversable walker- i've hit yet another wall. i thought that things were going to turn around and be smoother for me.
i'm watching the vikings and the packers football game right now. when i was at k-mart this morning picking up some rubber bands for my hair, i seen a few people wearing packers jerseys. i turned my head and said in a deep voice, "PACKERS SUCK!" and one of the people asked the other, "didn't the vikings win us the last time they played us?" i just remembered something.. i'm wearing my mcnabb jersey. well, i'll get to see how ponder does this game. they should've started him a while ago.

i hate electric wheelchairs

2011-10-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

maurice came to my place to visit for a little while. the pca's didn't plug the adapter into my charger but they plugged my charger into my chair assuming that it was getting charged. well, i had a near dead battery before maurice came to my place and i told the pca to plug it in. i seen what the problem was and we solved it, so we thought (it showed a full power). maurice and i went to k-mart and the battery was running out of power inside of the store. i just barely made it home. my chair was running very slowly as we were coming home down the sidewalk. we plugged my chair in for 20 minutes and then we went to KFC to eat lunch. as we were coming home, again, i noticed that my wheelchair's battery was hitting low battery power and almost dead. YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE? THIS IS A SIGN SHOWING THAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WHEELCHAIRS CAN AND CAN'T DO AFTER ALMOST 10 DAMN YEARS. i know that some of you are probably saying, "no, that just shows that your chair is a piece of shit." well, yeah, that's probably right but i honestly didn't think that my chair would run out of power that fast twice. you might think that i'm stupid for being that ignorant but i don't care.

ugh, just go away.

2011-10-20T17:06:00.000-05:00

i was getting a wash cloth out of my little table in my bathroom and a cockroach crawled around inside my drawer. i recieved a letter yesterday which said that the apartment was going to spray for cockroaches. i can't get away from the damn critters. you might be thinking that this just proves that i'm a disgusting person because i can't get away from cockroaches but i don't have anything to prove to anyone. i know that i'm sanitary and clean, i keep my apartment clean too but these little bastards won't go away. the first that i even heard of the little bastards was when i moved into my apartment in south minneapolis and i thought that i would get rid of them and escape them after i moved to burnsville. it turns out that they spray for cockroaches too, so they must have cockroach problems as well. i want to live by myself and get rehabilitation. i guess that i'll have to make due with those little fuckers.
ponder is supposed to start as the quarterback on sunday when we play the packers. it's about time, after the vikings have already lost their first 5 games, they figure out that maybe it could be a little of the quarterback. i'm not saying that's all of their problem, they need to work on their offensive line (for one) and protecting the quarterback, so that he can pass for more touchdowns. mcnabb supposedly acted surprised when the reporters asked him what he thought about ponder playing starter next game.

loner

2011-10-19T17:01:00.000-05:00

it makes me a little mad to realize that no one comes to see me or even acknowledges me (with an exception to my friend tiffany, who i've known since i was younger). my grandma makes the excuse for them that they have children, well.. okay, but somehow that doesn't stop them from acknowledging and doing things with all of my other friends. that's alright, i've went about 8 years as the loner, i guess that i won't get anywhere looking at what i don't have but what i do have. which doesn't happen to be them. i should just turn my head and do my own thing. i guess this is the time where you see who your true friends are.

it's your decision..

2011-10-18T16:45:00.001-05:00

i went to the doctor today and my grandma came along with me. a woman from axis came for my coordinator to take notes. the doctor looked at my neck and he said that he thought that he could do surgery again if i wanted. the only risks were the normal risks of me losing consciousness during surgery because i could stop breathing during anesthesia, but he didn't think that would happen because i've had the same procedure done before and i was fine then, the risks are slim. once i get my neck problems solved, i can finish getting my degree. i don't know if brown college knows that i'll still be returning because i didn't tell my admissions representative that i'll be returning- i just withdrew from the college but i didn't tell them if i would be returning. my grandma spoke up and said that i'd do surgery before i could even open my mouth. then the doctor said, "well.. let's ask stacy what she thinks.." and i took a deep breath and said that i wanted surgery. i've been through enough, i have more to gain than to lose, i guess. this is one step in my rehabilitation.

just straighten my neck!

2011-10-17T16:35:00.000-05:00

i go to the doctor to see about my neck. i think that i've tried everything under the sun to keep it straight. i see a chiropractor once every week. it's mind over matter. i used to get botox shots pumped into my neck but botox doesn't last forever. i needed to go in every 2 months or so and get more. so.. i tried surgery. the doctor (who gives me botox) insists that the surgeon didn't cut a thread in my neck tissue, so my neck is still tight. i don't know if he was just saying that to make me think twice about surgery again. my grandma is supposed to be coming along with me to the appointment tommorow but i doubt that she will. something tells me that she won't be there, so i need to somehow remember my concerns for the doctor. good luck on that one. i'll get my pen and paper out now and write them down now and put it in my planner (which i keep with me at all times).

i need something to do

2011-10-14T16:42:00.000-05:00

well, my brother's friend couldn't fix my desktop, so my mom had to haul it to some other guy's office. the other guy said that he'd look at it. that just figures.. as soon as i get what i need and at about the time that i would need a desktop computer, it messes up. that's my luck for you. i've also been thinking and i think that i'm going to try to enroll at brown college for the rest of my health information technician program (i only had a year remaining) and try to get my doctor to write something saying that i couldn't go to classes and i needed to take an extended medical leave (which resulted me to withdraw from brown college for my remaining year) because my neck would've hurt me too severely and caused too much of a distraction from classes because my neck hurt me too much and i look like a damn retard sometimes (in my opinion) leaning to one side when i'm in pain. i just hope that brown college accepts my doctor's note, if i plan to go that route. i don't know what else to do. i know that i originally said that i didn't feel like the health field was appropriate for me because i didn't have an empathetic enough attitude but i don't need an empathetic attitude for this job in the health care field. i started to take classes, i want to finish what i started. i also think that this career would be most convenient for me, as i originally intended. i can't think of anything else off the top of my head that i would rather be studying and i don't want to just finally make my career decision at the age of 50. considering all of this damn discouragement in my mission to walk once again.. i need to find something else to do while still keeping my head up, saying "fuck you" to everyone who disparages me, and turn my head and continue with my rehabilitation. it's probably too late to enroll now though. oh well.

cockroach mugshot

2011-10-13T17:44:00.000-05:00

i think that every pca that works with me have told me that they enjoy working with me because i always make them laugh and they enjoy coming to work because of me, i always make them laugh and i don't even really try. i can remember a pca from the apartment (where i previously lived) told me that the pca's would be mean to me wherever i lived- she tried to scare me. i seen a cockroach yesterday inside my bathroom drawer and i haven't seen one of those since i've lived at the apartment in minneapolis. it was crawling around inside my drawer inside of my little dresser in my bathroom and my pca killed it and said, "EW, I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A PLACE WITH COCKROACHES BEFORE, THAT'S THE FIRST ONE I'VE SEEN! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLACE WITH COCKROACHES BEFORE?" and i just played dumb and i said, "no." and shrugged my shoulders. i don't know what this apartment would do to me, if they found out about the cockroaches in the previous apartment. i hope that they wouldn't just go assuming that i had cockroaches, so they wouldn't just go and evict me.
i was bored, so i went and browsed this site. i seen athlete mugshots at that site. i'm going to my mom's place tommorow and i might finally be getting my desktop fixed, we're unhooking the desktop- so that my bro's friend can look at it and hopefully fix it. my mom and i are going to meet my grandma at a hotel and casino on saturday. my weekend shouldn't be boring.. we'll see.

what a pain in the neck.

2011-10-12T16:44:00.001-05:00

i will be seeing dr. wood next tuesday to discuss what we will do about my neck problem. my grandma told me that she thinks they will probably try to talk us out of surgery again. i don't know, all that i know is my neck hurts me horribly. here i was hoping that they would just get it over with and do surgery right away. i forgot that they would need to discuss what and if they're going to do surgery. can't blame me for being anxious to get this pain out of my neck.
it rained today and it rained inside my window sill and i had the pictures that i took at the tool concert stacked on the window sill next to my radio. i couldn't close the window in my bedroom when it was raining or move the pictures, so my pictures got wet and they all stuck together. i had to peel them apart and let them dry on my counter. that's my luck for you.

FACEBOOK SUCKS

2011-10-10T16:46:00.001-05:00

i just logged onto my facebook account and facebook told me that facebook removed one of my comments just because i logged onto a site and it asked what we thought about fox pulling hank williams jr.'s song off the monday night football introduction. i just told them what i thought about them pulling his song off the introduction, i simply said that i would not miss hearing some fat racist hill billy singing "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL! A MONDAY NIGHT PARTY BLAH BLAH" and they removed it. dumbasses. i don't see anything so slander about "fat racist hill billy".. maybe i could have said overweight, maybe that would've made them happy?

pain in the neck

2011-10-10T16:32:00.000-05:00

i found out that i have an appointment with dr. wood for my surgery on my neck on october 18. i met with my new independent living services worker today. we called the admissions rep. at itt-tech to schedule a tour of the eden prairie campus but we only got his voice mail. he told me that i could transfer some of my credits from brown college over to itt-tech but i don't really think that they'll work in the field. the credits that i took at brown college and finished were medical field classes and itt-tech is more of a technology based school, so i don't really know how that will work. i don't know though. plus, i need to remember that i want to focus on my rehabilitation and getting up on my feet again (literally). i just gotta keep goin at it.

LET'S HUDDLE

2011-10-09T16:14:00.000-05:00

the vikings finally won a game. it was just against the cardinals but a win's a win. they actually started to use adrian peterson more which they should have done in the beginning of the season and stop relying on mcnabb's throwing "skills". i think that the coaching staff realized that they couldn't rely on mcnabb to throw the ball, so they started to use adrian peterson. everyone in minnesota was either talking about firing leslie frazier as the vikings head coach if they lost or putting christian ponder in as quarterback instead of donovan mcnabb. they laid the problems on either one of them. i forgot that i put on a pair of the few pair of vikings panties that i got from victoria's secret today. that might be why they won. i put on the black pair that said, "LETS HUDDLE" in purple right on the ass. i'm convinced that's why they won. yeah.. that's why they won.

always active

2011-10-08T17:02:00.003-05:00

maurice came to my apartment today today to see me. we went to kentucky fried chicken to get lunch and then we went to the mall. i felt a little bad because maurice just sat outside the store for the 5 minutes that i shopped. he acted like he didn't mind it because he said that it was just good to get outta the apartment (the same apartment that i used to live at before this one, the assisted living program with the lazy pca's and the bed bugs and mice in the apartment.. yea, that one).
i'm starting to regret withdrawing from brown college. i feel like i wasted a year of my life on classes that i will do nothing with, since i stopped the health information technician program because i wasn't interested in the health field anymore. i hope that i can get myself enrolled in another college doing something with technology, which is what i'm more interested in. i know that the health information technician program dealt with technology too but i just couldn't picture myself with an empathetic attitude or wearing scrubs everyday as a uniform. now that i'm thinking about it.. i don't really think Health Information Technicians need to be empathetic. i can't just go back to brown and tell them that i made a mistake and i was feeling rushed into starting classes by everyone either though. i had basically done all of my health classes, so all that i would need to finish to get my degree is the technology classes- which i had been looking forward to, in the first place. they had emailed me a new schedule with my classes on it and i had some technology classes on it. i'm not sure if they knew that would probably entice me to go back to brown. they probably did. i just don't like doing nothing. i know that i'm doing my rehabilitation/walking and i should focus on that, but i feel like i should be doing more at times. although i've been told that i should sit down and nap sometimes because i'll wear myself out.

my neck

2011-10-07T13:12:00.000-05:00

my neck hurts like a bitch right now, i went to dr. shuh for an appointment with him about my neck. he was supposed to give instructions on how to stretch my neck but he claimed that he couldn't because he needed to show a pca how to do them in real life. i knew that he'd pull that bullshit and that appointment would basically be useless. i can either have botox shots in my neck, which i've had countless times before and botox is not a permanent solution or i can have surgery. i've had surgery once before on my neck to try straighten it and dr. shuh said that it didn't work because the surgeon must not have cut some threads in my neck, so they're still tight. i don't know if i want to go through surgery if they couldn't do it right the first time, they might mess it up the second time. now that i'm thinking about it, i've been through enough shit, what's one more surgery? my neck already hurts, things can only get better.

just go away, dumbass

2011-10-06T20:09:00.000-05:00

i think that the freak called me again today because an unknown caller was on my caller id at about the same time that i recieved the call yesterday, so i let my pca answer it for me because i was speaking to my grandma on my cell phone. my pca said, "hello?" and she said that they just hung the phone up. the maniac needs to get better things to do besides harass some girl who he has no idea who she is (at least i don't think so). you know what? fuck that douche bag, he must be running my fan club. he needs to stop being such a damn obsessed pervert, for one.

man. some people.

2011-10-05T18:15:00.000-05:00

i just recieved a phone call from an "unknown sender" on my phone. some guy with an accent was telling me he wanted a friendship with me. don't ask me how he jumped right away to starting out the conversation like that and then he asked me my name, i laughed (as i was trying to think of something funny to say) and he said, "I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. I WANT A FRIENDSHIP." and he kept telling me that he wanted a friendship, i laughed and decided to humor the call and didn't think anything of it. the guy proceeded to say, "I WANT A FRIENDSHIP. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? I WANT TO FUCK YOU." alright.. then he tells me that he wants to keep talking to me and asks me if i have a cell phone. i tell him that i don't have a cell phone, he asks, "why not?" i tell him because i'm poor. i have my tv turned up in the backround and he must've heard it and he says, "no, you're not. do you have facebook?" i don't know how he just goes and assumes that i have a computer and internet all of a sudden. i even asked him in our little conversation, "what? do you just dial random numbers and tell people that they're beautiful and you want to fuck them? you have problems." what a fucking freak. i just thought that i'd humor him and i stayed on the phone with him, i better not turn up dead or raped tommorow.

my appointment

2011-10-05T11:54:00.000-05:00

i just seen dr. shuh about my neck exercises. they were going to take pictures of how to stretch my neck in different positions but he had to make things complicated and say that a pca needed to come into the doctor's office and he could show them how to stretch my neck properly- which was just what i had thought that he would end up saying. i also asked him to write out a prescription for me to get a reversible walker and he ended up telling me that the physical therapists here at gillette lifetime tried to walk with a reversible walker with me and he said that i couldn't do it. i sighed and said, "well, your PHYSICAL THERAPIST lynda doesn't have any CONFIDENCE in me. she only tried to walk with me with it one time and gave up right away." he ended up writing orders for physical therapy, i don't know where but it better not be at gillette again and i better not be working with that old lynda physical therapist bitch. i just want a reverse walker, so i'll be a step further towards walking again.

new friend?

2011-10-04T16:13:00.000-05:00

my resource coordinator called me and told me that i'm getting a new resource coordinator, i didn't care too much for her actions anyway.
i was told that i should meet more people by everyone. my pca's told me that a new resident of this apartment wanted to meet me when my pca's were getting me ready this morning. i was walking with my gatewalker outside and as i was coming in, i seen a young man, sitting by a walker. he said, "hi guys" to us as we were coming in the building and then he got up with his walker and walked to a van and was going to get in. i told the woman that was sitting next to him to tell him a "hi" for me and she said that she would. so, maybe i'll get to talk more with this guy.. i'm not going to get my hopes up or anything though. i don't wanna look like a psycho, it's just that the last friend of mine was a man who was about 60 years old. he looked after me but i didn't really have any other friends for about 5 years- it was sad. so now that someone who is younger than 60 and is in a similar situation to myself is finally talking to me- of course i'm going to get a little excited.
i was watching monday night football last night and i expected to see that old douche bag hank williams jr. singing the monday night football song but i didn't see it. i thought that maybe i caught the game a little too late and shrugged it off and watched from where i thought that i missed. i was listening to 93x (radio station) on my radio this morning and the half-assed morning show were saying how fox decided to cut hank williams jr.'s intro. out of the monday night football because he compared president obama to adolf hitfler. they were saying that hank williams jr. supports that alaskan whore (sarah palen) and that's probably why he said that. hank williams jr. sucks anyway, i didn't miss his song, i just was wondering if i missed part of the game since i didn't catch his song. i don't think that i did. oh well.. it was just the colts and the bucs.

CAN YOU WIN FOR ONCE?

2011-10-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

my grandma, mom, and i went to the store and picked up some groceries and a frame for the poster that i bought at the foo fighters concert two wednesdays ago. my grandma and i forgot the main thing that we went shopping for, which is a shower dispenser that sticks to the wall of the shower and dispenses shampoo and conditioner (since my case manager claims that my budget is too small for it to buy one but i'm sure that it's just an excuse for her laziness and not actually doing her job) . this case manager is a bitch, i don't care if my grandma claims that she liked something about her. i see something else which is phony and uncaring. she's just concerned about money, not the actual client's cares or needs. i let her know that my resource coordinator was acting a lot like and i did not appreciate it. she never got back to me. i think that i'll have to do something bigger to get their attention and/or straighten things out the way i want them to be. it's my health, i have rights, damnit.
the vikings are playing the chiefs tommorow. i will probably just make it to see the second half of the game, knowing my luck. the last time that i wasn't watching, the vikings were actually ahead in the first half of the game (that i didn't get to watch), so who knows? maybe it'll do them some good. all that i can do is hope, i'm not going to say if i think that it's realistic or not. doesn't hurt to cheer them on, i don't like any of the other minnesota sports teams, so i gotta keep my faith in one.

I NEED MY THERAPY

2011-09-29T17:04:00.000-05:00

i went to pool physical therapy today and i had to remember to ask the physical therapist for more appointments in the pool. she said that she would make more appointments and that she would like to see me get into stay-fit pool therapy at the ymca but she would have to write that she sees progression in my therapy. she said that she would write that she seen progression because she said that when i first started to work with her in the pool, i would fall forward when i would try to stand up and i don't do that anymore. my physical therapist at gillette named lynda didn't have confidence in me (for some reason) and said that she didn't see any progression in my therapy just after about 4 physical therapy sessions with the old bitch and she didn't even do anything with me other than the stupid nu-step machine (which i had told her that i had enough of when i had therapy at the courage center). that's the problem, i need to find a physical therapist who actually has confidence in me and will actually help me effectively, while still realizing that my progress is going to take longer especially because of my brain injury.

physical therapy

2011-09-26T20:04:00.000-05:00

i went to pool physical therapy at the ymca this morning. my therapist is nice and i can tell that she's trying to make my pool therapy continue there. it's getting cold though and all that i wear to pool therapy is a robe and my swimsuit, along with my braces and swimming shoes because i don't have a pca to change me into my everyday clothes after pool is over because they're shorthanded at the apartment living program that i'm in, so i'll get sick anytime from being cold so much. i see the ENT tommorow and i think that it's the last time that i'll be seeing my independent living services worker (i'm getting a different one). she'll probably ask me if i looked at the paper that she printed off for me about computer technology at normandale. i've been thinking about whether i should start classes or not. i'm starting to think that i want to focus on my rehabilitation a little more. many people might think i'm stupid for thinking that after almost 10 years that i still think there's a chance that i'll be able to walk. well, what people think doesn't always matter. yea i know.. a hard head makes a soft ass, shut up. i'll do whatever the hell i want.

C'MON now.

2011-09-25T17:34:00.000-05:00

well, the outcome of today's vikings football game was predictable. they had the lead the first half (as they did in the previous two games of the season) and they ended up losing the game. i'm not gonna lie.. they had me going with them all the way to overtime. the defenses dominated. it's discouraging seeing the vikings start their season with three losses. i still don't understand why leslie frazier or his coaching staff doesn't just give mcnabb a rest and stick the first round draft pick out there to play (ponder), he needs to get his feet wet too. they did give mcnabb a rest but they stuck joe webb out there (who i thought was supposed to be third string qb). they need to start running the ball more also. they didn't give adrian peterson the ball enough, in my opinion. the vikings are sitting in the basement now with their record.

got my concert pictures

2011-09-24T17:05:00.001-05:00

i found my way all the way over to walgreens with the help of my pca erin's directions that she wrote down and i had to call her on my cell phone to make sure that i wasn't taking the wrong turns. i had 3 disposable cameras. it kinda sucks because i thought that ashlee got better pictures of the foo fighters than she did, but i can't expect too much- it was taken with a disposable camera, she didn't have to take them, and there were a bunch of people surrounding us (many of them also taking pictures). she asked me to get doubles of the pictures and i did. the pictures took an hour to develop, so i went to the mall and i decided to go to victoria's secret. i must've seen about other females looking for bra's and they had their boyfriends with them. i don't know about you but i really don't want a guy going panty or bra shopping with me. i don't give a shit if that may be "hot" or they go because they want to tell their girls which panties and bras are hot and what to buy (which i seriously doubt). can we say.. whipped? i know that term is juvenile but i can't think of another adjective for it.
i walked with my gatetrainer walker as soon as i got home and i did my range of motion. the pca named michelle was just coming on duty and she seen that my pca (erin) was doing my walking and range of motion. she says to her, "oh wow, you're just doing everything for her.." as if it wasn't normal to fit in my range of motion and walking. all of that is included in my care plan, plus my standing frame- which she's supposed to be doing with me right now and if she doesn't, i'm supposed to tell the pca's to call the nurse and if they don't, i'll just tell the nurse myself.

can they win FOR ONCE?

2011-09-23T19:07:00.002-05:00

it was ashlee's last day of training my new pca today. ashlee won't be working for ASI in like two weeks. she has been the only pca who has ever really gave a damn about me and actually did her job. i'm supposedly on a waiting list for another apartment with full pca services. right. i'll probably be stuck living here for another 5 years just like at my other apartment.
the vikings play the lions on sunday, i don't know if we'll win. i think that they're actually good this year, which isn't really typical for the lions (not from what i can remember anyway in the past). the vikings haven't won any games yet and they're ranked in the lower seeds. we'll see. i'm still gonna watch on sunday. we don't want them to turn into the minnesota twins now, i don't watch baseball but i've heard that they've lost 10 in a row.

what can ya do?

2011-09-22T12:53:00.000-05:00

i told the guy from itt-tech to call me this morning to set up a time to come and tour the eden prairie campus at 9 am and he called right at 9 am. i told him to call me at that time because that's when my independent living services worker came here to meet with me today. she wants me to look at normandale for some reason, i'm not sure why she keeps telling me to look at the information but i've read it 8 times, i think. she tells me that it's cheaper. that's another thing- i'm not really even sure what i want to study. technology just seemed more convenient because it doesn't require much labor. all that it requires pretty much is your hands and fingers for typing, sure.. i guess that i have a little spasming in my left hand at times while i have my hands on the keyboard but i can control that. i can't think of another respectable career or job that i can do which doesn't require walking or anything that i wouldn't be able to do. i need to be occupied with a task and feel like i'm doing something at all times. i can't take a rest. my body just doesn't have that mindset. i guess that's not a very good mindset to have for a person with epilepsy.. oh well. i did manage to get my transportation company changed, hopefully i won't have problems with this new company, even though i remember when i rode with them before that they were a bunch of pricks, hopefully i won't miss any of my appointments now though.

just get me to the damn appointment

2011-09-21T15:47:00.001-05:00

i had two appointments today and i didn't go to either of them. the transportation company brought me to the wrong place and they ended up coming to my apartment to pick me up at 9 am. i was still in bed because my pca was more concerned about getting another client to her MS appointment, he buzzed my door to tell me he was here to pick me up to bring me to my appointment and there was no way i could make it. so i called for my pca, about 5 minutes later, she ended up coming to see what i wanted and i told her that my ride was downstairs. she went downstairs and he told her that he would come back because that bastard wheelchair transportation company always shows up early (and ends up picking me up 1 1/2 late usually). my pca came back upstairs and helped me get ready for the day and i ate a little breakfast. the driver came back right away and he ended up taking me to some clinic that i didn't even have an appointment at (i've never even been there before in my life) and i get a phone call from the chiropractic office (that i go to) when we're there and she asks if i'm coming. i give the phone to the driver and he rudely says, "WELL, I CAN'T GO ALL THE WAY TO GOLDEN VALLEY- I HAVE OTHER RIDES." and he says something else to her and then he hangs the phone up. i hate this damn transportation company, i have to wait on them. it shouldn't be like that. i'm the client. they're supposed to wait on me. dumbasses. they also said that i didn't have a ride to pool therapy tommorow. when i was in the van with the driver, i was complaining and the driver told me that it wasn't his fault that i had a mix-up and he only did what the dispatch lady told him to do. about two minutes after he told me that, this raspy voice says into the dispatch, "WHEN YOU'RE DONE, I'LL HAVE ANOTHER ONE FOR YOU.." so i say loudly, "YEAH. TELL THAT LADY TO FUCK HERSELF FOR MAKING ME MISS MY APPOINTMENT." we don't say anything the rest of the ride home and before the driver lets the wheelchair lift back up as he's dropping me off, he says to me, "i hope you have a better day." my neck hurts like a bitch and i doubt that my chiropractor appointment will be rescheduled this week. i was supposed to see the ENT today also, the stupid transportation screwed that up. things just aren't going right for me. my grandma tried to blame my problem with transportation on my independent living services worker either because she doesn't like her or she's the one that used to arrange the transportation to all of my appointments.. or both. well grandma, after this month you won't have anyone to blame because she's getting a new job.

comments

2011-09-20T19:18:00.002-05:00

i'm trying to figure out how to use this damn blog. i don't like how my blog looks but blogger went and changed how to publish your blog and shit since the last time that i really used blogger. last night i was toying around with the template options and i ran into how to read some of the comments that were made about my web blog posts. you'd think that i would get the comments sent to me but i didn't, so i read them, most of them were old. kinda interesting. the one comment from my sister was humorous, even though i know she didn't want it to be. also, to the person who was talking about footprints, you see how much i got out of what you said to me? i just remember you saying something about "footprints", see if you really were making sense, then you wouldn't have brought up the "footprints" thing because i may never get to walk again in order to see my own "footprints." i still remember asking my physical therapist if she thought that i would ever walk again and she swallowed deeply and tears came to her eyes when she said to me that she didn't know. another thing to that other rude ass that commented about everyone having problems and we still need to live our lives even if we are in a wheelchair.. i recognize we all have our problems, this is my weblog where i write down my feelings about things, if you don't want to read it, you don't have to. the purpose of having my weblog is not to ask for sympathy. if that were the purpose, wouldn't you think that i would have known about how to read the comments on my own posts sooner at least? i got a hunch who that comment was from. maybe it was better that i couldn't see my comments. it's not like what anyone thinks about what i write matters to me anyways, just kinda interesting sometimes when you're bored, i guess.

booo.

2011-09-18T15:01:00.002-05:00

okay, this sucks.. i got to my apartment and i turn on the game (vikings vs. bucs) and it's halftime. the vikings were actually ahead by 17 (i think). the vikings looked like they had this game in the bag. the whole game went downhill once i started watching it. i wasn't watching it earlier during the first half because my mom was bringing me back to my apartment from her place. the vikings were forced to settle for field goals too often but 3 points is better than nothing. settle for what you can get. i'm watching fox's after-the game show show and they just asked if this team has the potential to turn things around. they've lost their first two games of the season, vikings teams in the past have started off with losses before and still made it to the play-offs. hopefully the vikings will make it to the play-offs. haha, on fox9 after-game they brought up bringing another #84 back.. randy moss and you're suppose to tweet them on why or why don't you think the vikings should bring back randy moss to play for them. just what they need.. he wouldn't come back, i don't think that leslie frazier is stupid enough to throw money away on him anyway.

three's a crowd?

2011-09-17T21:28:00.005-05:00

i went to a wedding today. the reception was held outside and the after-party was inside. the wedding was for the mother of one of my "friends", i use the quotations because when i recieved the same vibe as i had all throughout high school. you ever hear the saying, "three's a crowd"? yeah, well, that's the vibe i started to get at this wedding and so i told my mom and grandma that i wanted to leave because no one was talking to me at the wedding/wedding party. i had even went out of my way to sit by one of the two friends that i'm speaking about during the reception (because the other friend was in the wedding, it was her mom) and that friend ends up moving to the other side of the tent about 2 minutes after i move to sit by her(the wedding was held outside). then after the wedding reception is over, the same friend asks me if i have seen my other friend. that's the only reason that she spoke to me. when the wedding dance starts, i drive out onto the dance floor and i see someone taking pictures of my two "friends", i don't even want to interrupt the picture, so i just spin my chair around and decide to call it a night. you know what? i don't need this, i'll figure out what i should do about this when i have a much clear head.

it just never gets better..

2011-09-16T21:45:00.003-05:00

my case manager called me today before i left my apartment for my mom's place. i called her on wednesday when i was at the ymca, demanding my soap dispenser for my shower because my soap dispenser (that stuck to the wall) fell off of the wall and broke. i recieved that soap dispenser from occupational therapy when i lived at the courage residence inside the courage center. i had even said that in my voice mail and i had also said that i didn't like how the resource coordinator was making it seem like i broke it on purpose. i had also told the case manager in the voice mail that i didn't like the resource coordinator's attitude after i told her that i broke the dispenser and i asked for a new one. she went off and told me that we can't keep spending money on these types of things as if i did it on purpose and like i thought that my insurance was made of money. my case manager attempted to cover the resource coordinator's ass by saying that she purely meant that my budget doesn't allow for all that spending. she tried to say that she's trying to pay for a pca to come along swimming with me. alright.. she's been saying that for about 2 months, you'd think that by now they would already have that arranged- she's probably just trying to cover her ass from me and trying to make an excuse for not having the help that i need. i'm going to a wedding tommorow. a friend of the family is getting married, so i should get to bed.